Liz had chest pain following two liters of saline fluids and the Zometa infusion. She went to the ER at the U of U hospital. Pain was finally managed with morphine or dilaudid, but cause was not easy to determine. Chest pain is a known side effect from Zometa.
Liz was retaining fluids in her abdomen. She also became more pale and the conclusion was that she had internal bleeding. Given some blood she "pinked up" quickly. She then had angiography to try to find bleeding sources - unsuccessful. She tried repeatedly to get up from her hospital bed and remove her tubes and leave. We continued to tell her, "Not yet." She moved back to the Huntsman for a time, then back for more angiography, then back to Huntsman. She seemed coherent and hungry at first, even if her heart rate was still high, blood pressure was all over the map and mostly high, and she was heavily medicated for pain. She had gained 35 pounds of fluid weight during these few days, all in her lower half.
We kept asking why we couldn't drain fluids from her abdomen, and were told the pressure might be what was keeping bleeding at bay for now. They also said they would need to open her all the way up (neck to pelvic bone) and clean out blood and fluids, then pack her with gauze, and wait to see if this worked. They didn't want to do this; it was too traumatic and she was already having enough trouble with her heart and BP and pain.
Then she began getting less coherent. She repeated herself saying "It's okay" hundreds of times. She occasionally responded to a question asked. The doctors told us her liver was shutting down. If it can't process the blood, other processes shut down, including getting the brain the needed help to remain able to think clearly. (Sorry, that is the best I can do at summarizing their statements.) We didn't accept that she was going to die soon until the second doctor told us "she may not last the weekend" - both on Friday morning. She lasted less than a day after that.
We did get Rachel and Ben and their baby Hyrum here from Yakima WA Friday night, and Matt drove up from Provo. Other family members and friends dropped in and visited Liz one more time. She grew more yellowed without liver functioning, and we took her off the oxygen and kept pain medicine going. Saturday morning saw the arrival of my sister Saralyn and her family from Portland, along with my father and my sister Karyn and her kids (also there, visiting). Andre' drove separately from Montana. We enjoyed a quiet time of service - offering Liz ice chips or sips of water, braiding her hair, massaging her swollen feet and legs, changing her dressings (she was oozing from angiography incisions). Her breathing grew very difficult and then very slow.
When JD arrived Saturday at 9am we had all the men in Liz's life join to give her a final Priesthood blessing, one of release from this life. Brad sobbed as he began, then clearly told her of our love for her, and that she was free to go to her heavenly Parents and other family members. She was free to leave behind the mortal body that had become a hindrance and a cage for her glorious spirit. In an hour, she breathed less frequently, then she was gone. We all felt the presence of deceased family members there to greet her, and perhaps to offer comfort to those of us left behind. Liberty, at 11 months, quietly pointed up toward the ceiling several times. Maybe she could see what we could not. (I did look.) This was a sacred experience.
We cleaned up our belongings. Most went home or to a hotel to sleep. I stayed to help wash her body. I wanted to offer her this one last service. I felt so bad that her body had been through so much. She had bruises on her wrists from restraints trying to keep her in bed when none of us were there with her. A failed IV made one hand another massive bruise. Her swollen legs and abdomen looked like someone else's. Her eyes and jaw would not completely close. I cried for the pain and suffering she endured.
When I got home we went to begin working on her funeral arrangements. Her obituary needed to be written in an hour to be in Sunday's papers. We had more than enough food from generous neighbors, since our extended family didn't come around that day. That night, we decided to find a way to see the coming weekend's activities as a celebration of her life. We celebrated Liz's freedom from her difficult mortal body as the fireworks went off that night.
Tuesday the 6th we went to do Liz's temple work, giving her the knowledge and covenants that enable her to return to God's presence. As I acted as her proxy, I felt her presence, and an overwhelming sense of her joy and her love for all those who gathered with us. She truly is happy. It was the boost I needed to be able to get through the funeral a few days later.
I felt uplifted and supported, literally and figuratively, as we dealt with the many details of the next few days: we scanned hundreds of pictures of Elizabeth to show her many activities and talents and faces. She did an awful lot in nineteen years. We gathered instruments, artwork, and mementos to display with the many photos. Ladies who loved Liz did a wonderful job with setting these up, and Amy's sister, Emily, did a wonderful job creating a video of Liz's life in photos and music.
The funeral came together as if she were directing us. We loved the musical numbers. Liz's friend Zoe and her mother, my dear friend Lisa, sang "Pie Jesu." It was perfect - their clear soprano voices reminding us of Liz's beautiful voice. The little cousins sang "He Sent His Son," telling us that God had a plan, and he sent his Son, Jesus, to atone for all of our sins. Liz sang that song in church when she was about nine. Our whole family sang a hymn, Be Still, My Soul.
Each of our family spoke of her life, and our memories, and our knowledge of God's plan for us. We are blessed to know that there is life after death, and that we are sealed as a family, by the power of the Priesthood restored to earth. We miss her, very much. We miss her even more as some time goes by. It comes in waves, receding and then crashing over us again. There are times it is so difficult to feel happy. I don't know how people deal with death of loved ones without the sure knowledge that we can be together as families for eternity! It makes all the difference.
As is normal for those left behind, we wonder if we did ALL we could to help Liz. We wish for more time, and more knowledge, as things were unfolding. We decided to authorize an autopsy, limited to just her liver being removed, to see how damaged it was. A month later we learned she did have tumors in the center 40% of her liver, and one side was necrotic from pressure from the blood filling the sac around the liver. We feel that the radiation, combined with the study drugs she was taking (which increase the sensitivity to radiation), led to her tumors and damage to the liver.
We knew she had limited time when we saw each progressive scan and MRI showed more tumor growth. We hoped for a miracle. We know God could have healed her. We had the faith. We also know He sees the bigger picture. We don't always understand the why of things. We do know that Liz had done all she needed to do in this life. Now it is up to us to do the same, so we can be with her again.
As always, we have appreciated the faith and prayers on our behalf. So many have done so much to support our family! We love you, and we feel your love. We ask that God will bless each of you as you deal with your own trials. A dear friend just told me her son has melanoma. Another family member has breast cancer to face. Our Heavenly Father knows us. He gives us each a different set of trials to face, and we are to learn from them. Hopefully we will learn quickly to turn to Him, making it easier to endure.
On another side note, our son Matt crashed a four wheeler just 5 days after the funeral. We had gone as a family to create a new good family memory of fun together. We did have a great time, before the accident. He was lifeflighted to a hospital with a broken back, and released 3 days later. He had a compression fracture in the T-3 vertebra in his back, and wore a brace for three weeks. He also thought his right wrist was broken, and wore a split for a couple weeks. He had lots of road rash too.
It was very difficult to see another of our children face a serious injury so soon after Liz's death. While we waited for the paramedics to drive up Farmington Canyon, Brad gave Matt a blessing. He promised that Matt would be healed completely and have no lasting injuries. I immediately felt calm. I also knew that Liz was there with us, helping Matt go through this ordeal. She truly is our guardian angel. We are so glad it worked out well, and Matt didn't need any surgery or other therapy. He is healing well and doing fine. He will return to school at BYU in a week. He will have a handicapped parking placard to enable him to get closer to classes, so he won't have to carry books so far. Matt is doing well. I promise. :)
Let's find joy in life, as Liz did. Sing. Try something new. Give yourself to others any way you can. It matters.
